Some days

There are some days, like when I realize that my closest cousins are vice presidents or presidents of corporations (as is my sister)...there are some days when I find the smallness of my current life like a jagged obelisk in my chest. Times when I look around at my very underwhelming accomplishments (essentially a plumber at not even a third rate company) and a shortness of breath threatens to close my throat. Times when my inner voice chronologically details all of my complete and utter failures.

Then...just before I'm going to slit my throat, just before I get another phone call to fix someone's broken equipment, just before an edict is issued demanding I climb through the dentritis of a staff member's under the desk jungle to check on a power source, just before all of this I also hear another more plaintiff voice in my head simply say "write".

Write, girl, write.

You aren't a corporate type.
You aren't your cousins.
You aren't your sister.
You are the you before, the you after, the you struggling, the you successful, the you you were meant to be, delayed but here all along.

But without writing, you forget yourself and why you are here and why you were blessed and why you've been given so much and why you can't quite say why you are so deeply sad some days. There are reasons for you still to be here and it is not just to put in enough time to earn early release and a fair pension. It is to write.

So write. Write.